A Daughter's Heart, A Mother's Love
by hughville
Summary: Excerpts from Emma's journal. Takes place during S2.


**I don't own OUaT or the amazing characters.**

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May 13, 2012

The curse is broken. Henry is alive. Everything he told me since he found me is true. I just can't deal with all the emotions right now. I feel like I'm going to fly apart into a million pieces if I let myself feel anything.

Dr. Whale is checking Henry. He's not in The Book. I have no idea who he really is and I'm letting him take care of my son. Were there serial killers in fairy tales? I know Regina and Gold killed a lot of people back in

No. I can't think about that place. I have to focus on keeping Henry safe. I need to be his mother. I need to take care of him. I'm not really sure how to be a mother because my own mother is a fairy tale character. All I know about mothers are from the women who took care of me in foster care. Since they sucked at that, I guess I'll have to do my best. Henry deserves my best.

He told me that he wants to find Snow White and Prince Charming. My parents. My parents are basically cartoon characters come to life. Somehow that seems fitting.

I see Henry. He's actually smiling. After everything he's been through, my wonderful son is smiling.

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May 14, 2012

God! I am so PISSED! Why can't they give me space? That's all I asked for-a little space. I told them I'm not ready to talk about them abandoning me. Okay, so technically they didn't abandon me. Still. This is SO much to take in and they just don't get it. Mary Margaret (I can't call her Snow and I am not ready to call her Mom) said they sent me through a portal to give me my best chance. Some chance. Bounced around to different homes where I was nothing more than a meal ticket, pushed out on my own at 18 because that's the law and always alone. Always wondering who my real parents were and why they didn't want me. Mary Margaret and David want so badly to just BE my parents and act like everything is all sunshine and unicorns. But how can I think of them as my parents when we're all basically the same age?

And yet. I gave up Henry to give him a better life. I had no idea he'd end up being raised by The Evil Queen. But Regina does seem to love him. I have to wonder, after everything I've heard about her, if she really is capable of love. Did I really give Henry his best chance? I always thought living with my real parents would be better than the life I lived. To be honest, I would almost rather have lived here in Storybrooke, cursed like everyone else. At least I would have grown up with my mother. But maybe she wouldn't have known me. No, Granny knew Ruby. Mary Margaret would have known me. But would I have remained a newborn? My head will explode if I think too much about this.

Mary Margaret said she was supposed to go through the portal with me. Why didn't she? That's one question I just can't bring myself to ask her or David. I want to tell them that I love them. I do. I want to call them Mom and Dad. I want us to be a real family with Henry. I look at the three of them and realize I'm not alone any more but I still feel the loneliness.

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May 14, 2012

Yesterday we had to save Regina from being killed by the people she tormented in that other place. I put her in jail partly to keep her safe and partly because I can. It felt good to see her behind bars. She and Gold are the reason I grew up without parents. The Evil Queen and Rumplestiltskin with their magic and their machinations. Now Gold says he's "taken care" of Regina. Now we have some wraith running around town trying to suck the life out of Regina. I promised Henry I would keep Regina alive. Even though Regina is, well, Regina, I can't let him down. For 10 years, she was the only mother he knew. She did take care of him. She gave him a home and security. In her own warped way, she does love him. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I think he loves her. I suppose having two women who love him isn't all that bad.

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Midday in The Enchanted Forest

This place is beyond weird. So far we've met Cora, Regina's mother, Mulan, Aurora (a princess like Mary Margaret but not nearly as tough), and an ogre that nearly ate me. Right now, I'm babysitting Aurora while Mary Margaret and Mulan search for food.

I understand Regina a lot better now that I've met her mother. I feel very lucky to have Mary Margaret for a mom. She's so different now. She's confident and well, a badass. My mom is a badass. I have to admit that I'm pretty proud she's my mom.

I'm worried about Henry, though. What if he thinks I'm dead? I have to get back to him.

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May 1, 2013

So much has happened. During this past year, Henry and I have been living with my parents. Thankfully, Henry still hasn't caught on to the fact that they have sex A LOT. Anytime of the day or night. On the one hand, I think it's wonderful that they love each other so much. On the other hand, eww.

Neal, Henry's dad and Gold's son, is back with his sneaky fiancée, Tamara. My parents don't trust him and I don't trust Tamara. Henry is just thrilled to have his dad. He has FINALLY forgiven me for lying to him. I still haven't told Henry that both his parents were thieves. That can wait until he's older.

Henry, Neal and I have been doing some stuff together but I try to let the two of them have as much time together as possible. I want Henry to know his dad.

I've been getting to know my own parents. I understand now why they did what they did. I have finally forgiven them and I need to let them know somehow. That's something I'll have to figure out, I guess.

Being with my parents and Henry this past year has changed me. I find myself wanting hugs and kisses from my parents. It's easier to hug and kiss Henry. It's easy to tell him how much I love him.

I may have spent part of my life alone but I know that I won't be alone ever again. It's a nice feeling.

Now if I could just figure out what Tamara and Owen are up to.


End file.
